Unbelievable. This podgy little kid who has never been inside a gym thinks he has what it takes to powerfully burst through punishing lines of huge adult men dozens of times again?
No, no way. Get him out of my sight.
“I think I’ve got what it takes” said Carl Something. “I’ve been watching a load of youtube videos, I definitely think I can start here.”
Something, 23, who works behind the deli at Morrisons, is believed to be unaware the team he joined has a 6 foot 3 physical freak, weighing in at 15 stone with 3% body fat, currently starting at running back.