27th Feb 2017 | Tony Allen To Step Down From UK Gridiron Memes

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In a shocking move, London Warriors head coach Tony Allen has announced he will step down from his position as “dank meme lord” at UK Gridiron Memes with immediate effect.

“It’s not a move I’m happy to make” Allen told Daily Britball. “But it’s one I have to take.”

Speaking from the control room of his death star, the two time BAFCA coach of the year said he shed a tear when he told his colleagues at UK Gridiron Memes he would be leaving.

“Yep. I came up with all the good ones. The ones with hella likes, they were all me.” Allen said. “But now it’s time to take this London Warriors lark seriously.”

Feb 26th 2017 | Rookie Who Only Searched For Teams In His Town Has Doomed Himself From The Start

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Alex Bowler, who opted to search only for teams in his hometown, is unaware that he has ruined his career from the very first moment.

Seemingly unaware of a vastly superior team a mere 15 minutes further away, Bowler has cursed himself to a career of winless seasons, years in the associate period and laughably poor coaching.

Bowler told us “I just searched for teams near my house really. I mean, how many teams can there really be?”.

When Daily Britball told him there were 14 teams within a 40 minute drive of his house, many of which have coaches who have represented the national teams and play at the highest level of the sport, Bowler simply held his head and muttered “oh god” to himself over and over.

Feb 25th 2017 | Rookie Actually Ends Up Playing Position He Wanted To

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Shockwaves were sent throughout Britball last night as it emerged that rookie Jack Derwish will actually play the position he first intended to.

Many refused to believe that there is a player out there has stuck to just one position, but his coaches confirmed that Derwish is on the depth chart as a wide receiver.

Derwish told Daily Britball. “Yep. Just wanted to be a receiver, and the coaches haven’t moved me. Everybody tells me how lucky I am.”

Teammate Ryan O’Brien, who attended taster sessions as a quarterback, before being moved to inside linebacker and finally left guard said Derwish was a “jammy bastard”.

Reports confirm that up to 97% of Britballers suffer from crippling depression from years of watching others succeed in their favoured position.

Feb 24th 2017 | Rookie Has “American Footballer” In His Facebook Bio Already

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Rookie Aaron Watkins has already began identifying himself as an American Footballer to friends and family on social media, apparently unaware he will likely finish with two career snaps on special teams.

“Yeah, Aaron has been training with us” said teammate Matt Oscar. “But he’s not any good. Has he really put that on facebook?”

Oscar told Daily Britball “He’s only been to 3 of the 7 sessions so far. But all his friends seem to be loving it and asking him about it.”

Watkins, 29, believes himself to be an OLB. His coach, Kevin Van Kevin, told us he is “deluded”.

“All I’m saying is that he might have to update his facebook sooner rather than later”.

Feb 23rd 2017 | Rookie Who Tried To Cheap Out On Kit Clearly Wearing Fancy Dress Equipment

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Rookie Stephen Blow-Jobb has very clearly turned up to practice with equipment from a fancy dress set.

“I was looking on Football America’s site and thought it was way too expensive. I’m not paying £100 for some pads” said Blow-Jobb.

The rookie told Daily Britball that after deciding to search Ebay and Amazon, he eventually found a full kit including game pants and jersey for just £35.

“It’s excellent” he told us. “It’s much lighter than I expected it to be.”

Doctors confirmed that after buying the kit, Blow-Jobb was the first footballer to show signs of chronic CTE before ever kitting up.