Breaking | The Transfer Bowl

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THE TRANSFER BOWL

This weekend sees the team that used to pay players take on the team that used to pay players and still does in what is sure to be a quality matchup between a team of professionals not good enough to play for Tamworth and a group of kids that own Madden who just lost 71-0.

KEYS TO THE GAME
– Let’s hope Guy Kersey has paid for everybody’s petrol so that the Falcons can actually get to the ground. Well, for those players that don’t already live in Coventry, that is.
– Have the Falcons settled on which one of their nine paid quarterbacks will see the field? You know the old saying, if you’re paying for two quarterbacks, you aren’t really paying for any.
– With Josh Cooper suspended as per the latest BAFRA newsflash, just how many quarters will he last before opening negotiations with Guy Kersey?
– How many minutes will it take for the Falcons management to fill in the application to return to division 2 at the end of the game?
– Will the Jets forfeit in the 3rd quarter or 4th quarter?
– Will the British American Football Association ever actually do anything about the rampant violations of amateurism in our league?

OUR PREDICTION?
Whether the L€i¢£$t€r Falcons win, or the hopeless Coventry Jets win, Britball loses.

Apr 26th 2017 | Walney Terriers Outperformed By Actual Terrier

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The Walney Terriers, who fell 22-20 to the Morecambe Bay Storm on Sunday were actually outperformed by a spectator’s pet terrier.

The Cairn Terrier, Bobo, ran onto the pitch in the second quarter and stole the ball, and put up over 70 yards on the ground before he was caught by Cornerback Joe Springfield.

“He was able to find a hole” said Kevin Edmonds, Walney Terriers O-line coach. “Perhaps if we’d had Bobo, we wouldn’t have lost to a team I didn’t even know existed”.

Bobo couldn’t confirm his intentions when asked, but through a series of barks and giving us his paw, he told us “I’m definitely not hanging around here with this shower. I’ll probably make the trek to the Nighthawks” although he later added that he would put the film on his europlayers account and “see what happens”.

2017 Britball Round Up | Week 3

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All in all, a pretty boring week of Britball.

– Maidstone Pumas took the biggest lead in their history when they went up 6-0 against Portsmouth. However, they stuck to the script, and lost. It’s been an excellent season for them, and we look forward to seeing them again in 2017.
– Birmingham Bulls fall 32-0 to the Sandwell Steelers after both remaining Bulls transferred at half time.
– South Wales Warriors’ voluntary relegation to Division 1 continues to work out really well for them as they drop to 0-2.
– Premier South table order is already decided, as Bristol Aztecs confirm their 2017 third place with 56-13 win over Farnham.

With everything going to plan, and an associate team actually getting a win (well done the Morecambe Bay Storm), we give this week a disappointing 2 Russ Hewitts out of 5.

Apr 21st 2017 | Realisation That Everybody Shitter Than Them Has Already Been Relegated Sets In In Sheffield

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Players in Sheffield are said to be “shocked and upset” at the realisation that every team somehow shitter than the Giants were relegated in previous seasons.

Now that the Rams, Bulls, Senators, Mustangs, Caesars and Jets all play in the second tier or lower, there is literally nobody left to be relegated before the Giants.

“Oh fuck” said Will Reynolds, punter for the Giants, looking over the Northern Premier table. “Is there even any point in playing this season?”

Giants players were said to be buoyed when they were told that relegation would likely mean far fewer trips to Scotland.

Breaking | Last British man alive when a non-London team last won the Britbowl, Clarence Bigby, dies aged 109 at his home in Liverpool.

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Clarence’s family told Daily Britball that he regularly spoke of the “amazing things he’d lived through. The dawn of flight, the birth of global communication, the space race and the internet age” but that he was most amazed he was alive to see “someone other than the Warriors or Blitz win a national championship”.