Breaking | Tamworth Phoenix appear to be hosting a System Of A Down covers band on Saturday.

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Special Report | Today we take a look at the West Coast Trojans cancellation, and the official statement from B̶a̶g̶g̶y̶, the Official Facebook page of the West Coast Trojans.

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We ran the statement through a bullshit detector and saw what came out the other side.

So, what next? Are you and your team sick of teams cancelling fixtures at the last minute with no repercussions? Simply dropping to associate for a year, playing a couple of running clock games against the High Hunsley Herons or the Bishop Wilton Bashers, and waltzing back into the league next year, clearly doesn’t fix the issue.

Want a solution? Try sending Martin Cockerill (British American Football Association Chair) or Russ Hewitt (British American Football Association Director of Competitions) a message. Their lack of action taken towards the individuals who consistently undermine the league they claim to love is at this point sickening.

An important message to the West Coast Trojans players: Our problem is not with you. Our problem is with the consistently poor judgement shown by Gary McNey. Don’t allow him to turn this into “us vs them”. It’s not because of Daily Britball, UK Gridiron Memes or Double Coverage that you missed out on football that you have paid for yesterday. We take no joy from your situation. Once again, the league is hurt by Gary McNey. Not only did his actions take an opportunity that you won’t get again away from you, the statements issued by him made your club a laughing stock. Nobody, least of all you, gains anything from this situation.

2017 Britball Roundup | Week 5

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Well, did this week of Britball live up to its dramatic start? Let’s look at the stories around the league.

– West Coast Trojans HC Gary McNey is either a fucking liar, or a leader with historically bad levels of incompetence. Anyone defending him at this point is lying to themselves. Our comiserations to the Manchester Titans and West Coast players expecting a game today.
– Leicester lost. So there’s that.
– Associate team win! The Worcester Black Knights put one on the Torbay Trojans. Don’t expect a write up from the Trojans.
– Here are the teams you thought were good, but are actually shit this week: Bury Saints, Portsmouth Dreadnoughts, Ouse Valley Eagles, Newcastle Vikings.
– Our game of the week? Nottingham Caesars 13-6 Coventry Jets.

This is a tough one. Baggy at the heart of drama, games cancelled… even with an associate team winning, we give this a stunning 5 Russ Hewitts out of 5.

Breaking | Oh dear. According to a concerned reader, we’re hearing that everybody’s favourite team north of the border, the West Coast Trojans, are just about ready to pull out of tomorrow’s defeat to the Manchester Titans due to a lack of players. In week 5. In their 2nd game.

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Our deepest condolences to those guys about to miss out on football in Britain once again.

Update: It’s on! Don’t worry, those who had money on West Coast will now have until 5p.m. tomorrow to realise they’ve lost their money.

Breaking | As rules governing amateurism in British football continue to be violated, Daily Britball’s scientists look at which teams are at the greatest risk of Kersification in the near future.

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It’s too late for anybody residing in the inner ring. They are already getting “petrol expenses” paid for. Those in the orange ring are already engaged in active discussion about how they’re going to getpaid without the other players finding out.

Lastly, in the outer circle, we’ve identified three teams who appear decent but are crucially still shitter than Leicester, meaning that any and all players from the Ouse Valley Eagles, Cambridgeshire Cats and Shropshire Revolution will all transfer to the Falcons by 2019.

May 5th 2017 | Filton Pride Players Send Facebook Friend Requests To Whole Of UK

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The last remaining person without a friend request from a Filton Pride player was today added by a 17 year old defensive back, meaning that everybody in the UK now has at least one player on their friend list.

Jason Boddy-Briggs, a safety who studies at the facility designed to militarise children for an as yet unknown purpose, took his total friends list up to 480,000 people. Boddy-Briggs confirmed that means he’s “just behind Kie and Shaun” who have got over 7 million friends each.

Carl Finger-Bown told Daily Britball he had personally been added by three Pride players so far.

“I literally attended one taster session for Clyde Valley in 2013. Nobody on my friends list plays American Football. I don’t know how they found me.” Finger-Bown said.

Projections show that every Facebook user in the world will see a message about how Filton players either “respect the grind” or “take no days off” by 2021 at the latest.